Are You Always the Designated Host? Here's How to Finally Enjoy the Party Yourself

Are you the go-to friend or family member designated to host any party, holiday, dinner, or big game? Maybe you love it just as much as Monica Geller and can't bear the thought of someone else hosting an event, or maybe you only say yes because you feel obligated. Hosting can be fun, but it can also be stressful and a load of work. To help alleviate some of the pressure while hosting a memorable party, we talked with hospitality professionals who preach the importance of preparation and being present. And if you're lucky enough to always be the guest, there are even a few ways you can make the event easier for your gracious host.

Make It Special

Neillie Butler, founder and owner of Mariée Ami, an event planning, production, and design firm, says she can't help but take ideas she's picked up in her professional entertaining career and use them in her own home.

"It's a mini version of what I do on a day-to-day basis," Butler says. "I'm all about the way people feel—making them feel special. Even if it's a simple dinner party where you casually invited friends over for dinner, it's important to make small and intentional decisions that will make that experience more enjoyable for them."

The first step in making an event special is the greeting. Butler has a hard and fast rule that either her or her husband will warmly greet their guests when they walk in the door, and either have a drink ready for grabs or will prepare the first drink for their guests so they can sit back and relax. A warm welcome sets the mood for the rest of the night.

Preparation Is Key

Matilda Reuter Engle, proprietor of Middleburg Hospitality and general manager of Glenstone Gardens and Red Fox Inn & Tavern, says preparation is the most important element of a gathering.

"It takes time and effort to distinguish who your guests are, what preferences they have, and how you can best accommodate them," Engle says. "Once you have an understanding of the event you’d like to host, then you can more easily choreograph the flow of the evening, the design and decor, and the culinary details."

Have Supplies on Hand

Being prepared doesn't just mean the day of—having supplies on hand makes it simple to throw together a last-minute tablescape that looks like you've been planning it for months. Butler has a party closet that's stocked with her curated-over-the-years collection of placemats, glassware, vases, plates, tablecloths, and napkins. When a party arises, even on a weeknight, she can simply walk into her closet and choose her table decor in a matter of minutes.

"I encourage people to know where their supplies are, know what you have, and have what you need, to take away the feeling of being underprepared when it comes to the table setting," Butler says.

Looking to the centerpiece, be sure to have a variety of vessels on hand so that you can grab a bouquet on the way home from work or even cut some flowers from your yard for a quick and easy focal point.

Drink Details

A great bar setup for impromptu cocktails on the patio or by the fire is another essential to stress-free hosting. Have something at the ready for your guests, whether chilled wine or a vodka soda.

Butler points out that guests will most likely follow your lead—so if you're having a cocktail, they will also probably opt to have one. Most guests don't want to feel like they are causing a hassle, so if you appear that you already have ingredients ready for a particular drink, your guests will feel comfortable saying yes to your offer. For non-alcoholic drinkers, don't let tap water be their only option. Have sparkling water and cut fruit set out by glasses for an easy but special touch everyone can enjoy.

Not a Chef? Don't Sweat It

Just because you're not a pro (or even a semi-pro) in the kitchen, doesn't mean you can't host a fantastic dinner party or event. Butler herself finds it ironic that she loves to entertain but "can't even boil a pot of water." She suggests using a pick-up or delivery service for the food portion of the party if you don't feel comfortable cooking yourself.

If you choose to cook for guests, it's best to meal prep as much as possible. This, you can enjoy conversing, laughing, and just being present with your guests—since that's probably why you invited them over in the first place! Don't waste time in the kitchen if not necessary.

Attention to Detail

A go-to playlist can make all the difference, as music sets the mood just as much as decor or food. "Having the right music playing when people walk in sets the tone," Butler says.

To avoid confusion and unease for both your guests and yourself, have a game plan of where you'd like everyone to sit for dinner. For example, if not everyone can fit at the dining room table, make sure to direct some of the guests to your other seating area so that no one feels without a seat. If you have the counter space, arrange food family-style on platters in the kitchen and let guests arrange their own plates before finding their seats, alleviating the stress of preparing anyone's plates for them and saving room on the beautiful table you've set. These gentle directions can sometimes feel bossy to the host but are usually much appreciated by guests.

Follow Mother Nature's Lead

When in doubt, stay seasonal and look to nature to indicate what details you might need to provide for the comfort of guests. For example, if it’s wintertime, be sure to place extra seating around the fire or have a warm drink ready as guests arrive. In the summertime, invest in tents if you need extra shade, and be sure to indicate how guests should dress for the occasion, pool party or not. Anticipating these needs and adding thoughtful details are what make your hospitality most memorable.

Be at Ease

Strive to create an atmosphere where both the host and guests feel at-ease. "At work, everything has to be perfect, because I get paid to make it perfect. But when I'm at home, the napkins don't have to match the tablecloth and the meal doesn't have to be super fancy," says Engle. "'Just make intentional choices to pull it all together and give your guests a fun experience' is always my go-to motto."

Wear Casual Attire

And while it might not be the first thing that comes to mind when preparing to host, Butler notes the importance of footwear—stating that she always reaches for a casual slide rather than a high heel or anything too fancy.

"If I have friends over and they see a perfectly set table, hear music playing, and a cocktail ready for them to grab when they walk in, I don't want them to think 'Oh my gosh I could never have Neillie over to my own home', so being casual in my attire relaxes them and gives the appearance that I'm not trying too hard," she says.

Clean Later

Don't stress about dishes and cleanup; there will be time for that once everyone leaves. To make guests feel as comfortable as possible, urge them to simply leave their plates at the table when they're done eating, assuring them that you can just pick them up later. Move the conversation to a sitting room or, better yet, outside to enjoy dessert or an after-dinner drink. This way, guests don't feel like a burden and you get to enjoy time with your guests instead of doing dishes.

Enjoy Yourself

As the host, Engle says it’s important to remember to engage with your guests and still enjoy their company. "Most often, you are part of the reason why they are attending, so don’t get too wrapped up in the details that you forget that your presence is part of the overall experience. You set the tone for the event, inviting laughter and connection; that’s part of the artistry of hosting."

Hosts set the tone of the entire party—have a drink (if you so choose), dress casually, and have a relaxed attitude. Guests will only enjoy a party as much as the host does. Remember to let loose and have fun yourself!

How to Be a Good Guest

As a guest, a bottle of wine or a simple bouquet goes a long way, as both could potentially be used at the event and add a special touch that the host is sure to appreciate. Guests can also ask the host ahead of time if there's anything, like an appetizer or dessert, they can bring to help alleviate the workload. Having an additional component to the meal is always helpful, even if most of it is covered by the host.

Also be sure to arrive on time—not early or late, as both could add extra stress to the host. If you want to arrive early to assist in preparation, extend an offer to the host ahead of time. Engle says early guests should offer to polish any last-minute details, like lighting candles, straightening place settings, or putting on music.

Good guests should also kindly ask the host if they need any assistance as the event progresses with serving food or drinks. If the host chooses to clean up during the party, offer to help pick up plates. Never overshadow the host though, as they've likely put in a lot of thought and dedication to the event.

Most of all, enjoy the party and be gracious to your host!